You want to talk to your children about tragedy because it can help them understand what’s happened, it will also help them feel safe and to begin to cope. Silence might make the event seem more threatening to your child.Watching a news channel on any given day, there will probably be a number of distressing stories on display. It’s natural for parents to want to protect their children from the harsher aspects of the world, but with children getting online from a younger age, this is becoming more difficult.
Even if your child doesn’t actively look for news stories, they might hear things from their friends in school that are confusing and upsetting. For example, when the Ariana Grande concert in Manchester, England was bombed, it meant that young people were more likely than ever before to be interested in the news. This presents a difficult task for parents: how do you talk about bad things in the world without causing your child undue stress?
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BBC Newsround, a children’s news program in the UK, was praised for their coverage of the Manchester attacks. They managed to put the attacks in perspective and offered some helpful advice for children who were upset by the attacks.
One of their suggestions was to talk to an adult about their feelings. I don’t know about you, but without some preparation, I would struggle to know what to say to a child who wanted to talk about tragedy. And so, I decided to get prepared, and this is the result of my research.
Define the limits
There will be certain aspects of the events that you want to leave out. Decide early on where the limits are so that you can steer the conversation if required. Children are naturally inquisitive and will always ask more questions, so it’s best not to say anything that could prompt a difficult question.
Pitch to their age
If your child has a younger sibling, you should talk to them on their own as they will have different levels of understanding of the events. You may have a child genius on your hands, but you should still pitch the news at their level.
For children with learning or developmental difficulties, you should speak to their mental age, not their physical age. Children with ASD (autism spectrum disorder) may not react in the same way, and may not want to be comforted in the same way so it’s important to take their personality and behaviour into consideration.
Avoid repetitive media
It’s a sad reality that the media love to sensationalize events in order to keep people watching. If you’re scared about what is going on, you’ll go back to watch the news again and again to get the latest updates. This means that it’s beneficial for the news networks to keep the coverage rolling. Avoid repetitive news cycles as this can make the situation seem more scary than it needs to be. If older children want to watch the news, pre-record it so that you know what to expect.
Make them feel safe
When tragedy happens, the media coverage is so widespread that it can feel like the threat is greater than it actually is. It’s important to remind your children that they are safe and that bad things are very unlikely to happen to them. By focusing on the positive things, it can help to balance the negativity. Look for ways that you and your child can help make a difference in the world and they will soon feel much safer.
After you talk to your child, it is important to take care of your own mental and emotional well-being too. It may be helpful for you and your family to take a break from the media. Additionally, if your child expresses interest in taking action, encourage them to do so. Sometimes, the best way to cope is to feel like you can do something.
“Rebecca Harper is a freelance journalist living in London. She is passionate about social care and works with Lorimer Fostering to encourage more people to foster a child.”