Do you and your spouse argue? Does it become so loud that your children ask you about why you’re fighting? Do not underestimate how important communication in marriage is not just for your relationship but also for your kids.
Children learn by example. They learn how to socialize, talk to one another, and talk to their parents. When parents argue, children think this is the way everyone lives and thus they begin to exhibit the same signs of yelling, demanding, and screaming their way to obtain what they want. They don’t know any better. This is what they are used to. It’s wrong. It’s unhealthy, and they will grow up to become yellers and screamers just like their parents.
So too, when parents do not communicate in a loving and caring way, children will also view this as normal because they have not been taught any other way. Children have to grow up in a home where there is constant communication, discussions, and a loving and familial atmosphere where they can talk to parents about anything.
If one or both parents do not communicate with each other, how can you expect a child to approach such a parent? There will be fear and trepidation because the child will not know if what is said will make the parent angry, cause them to yell, or worse, turn a blind eye.
If you and your spouse find that your communication has broken down, and the arguments have increased, it may be time for counseling. Most important, someone needs to sit down with the children and make them understand what goes on in the household is not their fault, that the problems between Mommy and Daddy have nothing to do with them.
As for his secret to staying married, my wife tells me that if I ever
decide to leave, she is coming with me
– Jon Bon Jovi
Remember, when there are problems between couples, children will blame themselves for it. They become extra helpful, mind their chores, and do all they can to alleviate the yelling because ultimately they feel they caused it.
Unfortunately, some children live with the anger and frustration of their parents and act out what they perceive as normal. Eventually, they cause problems at school, develop low self-esteem and, in some cases, become loners who feel unworthy, unloved, and eventually lash out at society.
Communication with your spouse and how it affects your children is a topic you must come to terms with. Unless and until you do, it is your children who will suffer the after-effects. So be mindful of the communication in your marriage – nurture it and it will reap rewards.